Thursday, February 18, 2016

dating in 2016 – not your average cookie

I get told quite often by guys I date that I am different than the normal type of girl they usually go for. And I can't help but feel slightly insulted at this. Last night I went on a date with a very nice guy who told me he doesn't usually "step outside the box" with the type of girls he's dated. That he normally dates the "cookie-cutter type." And it hasn't gotten him anywhere.

And he won't be the last to say something like this. It comes up all the time. My ex said it quite a bit at the beginning and so, even, did his mom! She put it a little more bluntly, though, and said he usually goes for the petite, spoiled daddy's girls…

Sorry, but I am none of those things. And I never will be. Am I supposed to apologize for that? Am I supposed to be flattered? What exactly is the kind of reaction you are wanting out of me when you say this?

Anyway, I guess last night I'd had enough of just sitting there and smiling politely when being told this (it was the second time he'd mentioned it) and I decided to ask what exactly the "cookie cutter type" is. 

"Attractive. But crazy."

What exactly does this say about me and my level of attractiveness?! What makes me so different than the next girl? Is it because I'm tall? Collect vinyl? Have bunnies? Drive a stick?

I have insecurities like any other girl, but after I got past the awkward high school years and the 40 pounds I gained at Mississippi State, I've considered myself to be slightly above average on the attractiveness scale. More of a 5.5/6 out of 10 if you will. 

Now don't get me wrong, this guy was meaning this as a compliment all the way. He went on to say they are usually crazy and there's nothing to them but attractiveness. And that's why he thinks most marriages don't work and blah blah blah. I understand what he meant.

I am a grown woman and I pride myself on having different interests than a lot of girls my age and I appreciate it when people recognize this, but what insults me is how impressed they are with themselves when they say this. Every. Time. It's like they're realizing for the first time that they are all grown up now and ready to date someone "...real."

What the hell does that even mean? Do they think dating me is going to be a walk in the park? Because I've got news for you, buddy. I'm just as crazy as the next (hot) girl. I'm just going to play my pity party on my turn table instead of iTunes and drop your stuff off in my stick shift instead of my Altima.

Relationships are hard work, and it's about time guys start realizing this. Everyone has baggage. No matter how "different" or "real" you think this is going to be. My "crazy" might not include burning your house down or slashing your tires. In fact, there's a huge possibility I'll get over you long before you get over me. No, my "crazy" has more to do with my own insecurities than anything else. I'm going to push you away and we'll probably fight a lot until I realize you're not going anywhere.

No two girls are the same if you try hard enough to get to know one. And there are different levels of crazy. You just have to find the level you can put up with. So try not to insult me while you look.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

dating in 2016 – blonde chase crawford

A while ago I went on a date with Chase Crawford from Gossip Girls.

Actually, that's a lie.

It wasn't Chase Crawford, but he certainly looked like him. Only this guy was even better because he was blonde. He was the perfect specimen of a man and as soon as he got to the bar (30 minutes late), I knew I never stood a chance with him.  He. Was. Beautiful.

However, I never even had time to be disappointed because he quickly revealed how much of an asshole he was (there was one point when he actually told me he's an asshole). The date lasted an hour and 20 minutes and in that span of time I'd gone from wanting to marry him to never wanting to speak to him again.

Ugh. This guy was the worst. He knew exactly how attractive he was, and I could tell he's probably never been told no by a girl before. Luckily for me and my sanity, I've been drug through the mud too many times by hot guys and have developed a set of standards that require more than just good looks.

He's a beer rep who just moved here a month ago from San Fran. We go to The Cellar. He automatically starts rattling stuff off about beer like I'm the expert and will be able to relate in the slightest bit to this conversation. I'm like, "Dude, you could be feeding me a huge line of bullshit and I'd believe you. I like wheat beer. That's literally all I know."

So he shuts up about that. Eventually gets into deeper aspects of his life. Tells me he has two kids. No build-up, just drops that bomb. He just got out of a 5 year relationship a month ago and he has two little girls with this chick. I almost choke on my beer. Serious baggage. Oh! And he doesn't believe in marriage! Cool...... [check, please?]

Just kidding.

He really is a cool guy. On top of being drop dead gorgeous. Which caused me to clam up a little bit. I wasn't silent but I was also not exactly carrying the conversation. And he called me out on it. Said it was "funny." I pretty much told him to take it or leave it and if he were to never speak to me again I wouldn't be that offended. It was a first date, he owed me nothing. He acts surprised and then tells me that he actually likes me a little better right now.

Um. Thanks.

Anyway, after a couple of beers, I loosened up a little more, and we were able to talk pretty easily about things. Dating, relationships, life in general and how much of an asshole he used to be. I'm thinking he still is, but I didn't say that. Eventually he decides he's had enough of this date and throws down his credit card. Stands up, then proceeds to tell me I have pretty eyes while signing his check. This causes me to get a little stupid. I blush and choke out a "thank you." (Let's not forget how attracted I am to him. Good Lord, he was gorgeous.)

"I'm not hitting on you, I'm just saying, 'You have pretty eyes.'"

Thanks, bro?

Anyway, he leaves. I leave. I give him a good head start (he's clearly not the type to walk me to my car, so I don't want to make things more awkward). I'm fully prepared to never speak to him again. Seriously, I've never so desperately wanted someone to like me while simultaneously never wanting to hear from them again in my entire life. 

I got home from the bar and saw a text from him, "You should've invited me over!"

Yeah, no thanks, bro.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

dating in 2016 – money talks

I have been dating for a little while now (mostly Tinder, some Match), and I thought it would be fun to share some of my experiences when the good/interesting ones come along (this may become a new series, but I really hope not). So here goes...

I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy I met on Match. He was super tall (6'8"), an engineer and seemed to have his life together. Not to mention very attractive.

He messaged me and I was immediately annoyed at his grammar. Negative points for you, sir. If you have a full keyboard literally at your fingertips, there is absolutely no reason for you not to spell out entire words. Especially if you're over 16. (It is also okay to throw in a period or comma every now and then!) Anyway, like I said, negative points, but I decided to over look it for the time being. It wasn't a dealbreaker.

We talked for a day or two and he asked me out to Duckworth's. When I walked in, I realized he looked even better than his pictures, so I got excited. Maybe I could get past the bad grammar.

The date went fairly well, but I did take note of some red flags. One being he was unemployed. He'd gotten laid off recently but had interviews lined up and didn't seem concerned about finding another one. Him being an engineer, I agreed that it wouldn't take long, so that red flag kind of canceled itself out. However, he went on to mention how much he was paying a month on his mortgage, which was about $50 less than what I am paying in rent. By itself, not a big deal since I automatically assumed he made a ton more money than I do with him being an engineer and all. However, he kept digging himself deeper into this hole talking and told me that some of the jobs he's looking at pay around––he threw out a number––the same amount I make. And he seemed really excited about it!

Now, I know how much I make and how much I pay in rent each month. So when he mentioned he just bought a hot tub and a new stove (at Home Depot) and tried to pay for our drinks with his Home Depot credit card (it didn't work), I got a little turned off. I couldn't imagine how much debt he was in. I have a hard time saving money and can't have an influence like that in my life long-term. However, this still was not enough to turn me off completely. People make stupid mistakes. I consider those learning opportunities. Maybe his parents were helping him out. Maybe he's got some savings. Maybe he was put into my life for us to teach each other about money! Who knows? And who am I to judge?

Anyway, when the date was over, he walked me to my car. We hugged goodbye and he kissed me. Here is where he redeemed himself almost completely (I haven't forgotten about that debt). He was a perfect gentleman. Even asked me to call him (call him!!) when I got home so he would know I got there safely. Wow, the last guy I dated for three months never did that. Points for this guy!

So, I clarify, "CALL you?" Mostly because I'm impressed. Guys don't call girls anymore.

"Or text, whatever."

So I spent the whole drive home wondering which one I should do. I'm not the biggest fan of talking on the phone unless it's to my mom or significant other. So I decided to call. Maybe it would set a precedent if this went farther.

Big mistake. It was one of the most awkward phone calls of my life. I called, and he didn't answer. He called me back a couple of minutes later.

"Hey, you said to call when I got home, so I'm calling!"

"I said text."


"I'll text you."

We hang up and he texted. Okay, weird, but okay. Then he ruins the entire date with one text.

"Wish we could cuddled"

Word for word.

UGHHHH!! Why?? I was willing to overlook all that other stuff. Until now. Now, it's over before it even started.

I (barely) entertain him for a few more days, but pretty much disappear after the third picture he sends of his hot tub. (Wanting me to come get in it.) No thanks.

Eventually he took the hint and went away. Until about a week later when he messaged me on Match (despite having my number), "I wanted to fuck u."

...yeah, I GOT it!

But thanks for solidifying that decision, buddy!

And, guys, stop talking about money on a first date! Save it for the engagement. Seriously.