Tuesday, February 2, 2016

dating in 2016 – money talks

I have been dating for a little while now (mostly Tinder, some Match), and I thought it would be fun to share some of my experiences when the good/interesting ones come along (this may become a new series, but I really hope not). So here goes...

I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy I met on Match. He was super tall (6'8"), an engineer and seemed to have his life together. Not to mention very attractive.

He messaged me and I was immediately annoyed at his grammar. Negative points for you, sir. If you have a full keyboard literally at your fingertips, there is absolutely no reason for you not to spell out entire words. Especially if you're over 16. (It is also okay to throw in a period or comma every now and then!) Anyway, like I said, negative points, but I decided to over look it for the time being. It wasn't a dealbreaker.

We talked for a day or two and he asked me out to Duckworth's. When I walked in, I realized he looked even better than his pictures, so I got excited. Maybe I could get past the bad grammar.

The date went fairly well, but I did take note of some red flags. One being he was unemployed. He'd gotten laid off recently but had interviews lined up and didn't seem concerned about finding another one. Him being an engineer, I agreed that it wouldn't take long, so that red flag kind of canceled itself out. However, he went on to mention how much he was paying a month on his mortgage, which was about $50 less than what I am paying in rent. By itself, not a big deal since I automatically assumed he made a ton more money than I do with him being an engineer and all. However, he kept digging himself deeper into this hole talking and told me that some of the jobs he's looking at pay around––he threw out a number––the same amount I make. And he seemed really excited about it!

Now, I know how much I make and how much I pay in rent each month. So when he mentioned he just bought a hot tub and a new stove (at Home Depot) and tried to pay for our drinks with his Home Depot credit card (it didn't work), I got a little turned off. I couldn't imagine how much debt he was in. I have a hard time saving money and can't have an influence like that in my life long-term. However, this still was not enough to turn me off completely. People make stupid mistakes. I consider those learning opportunities. Maybe his parents were helping him out. Maybe he's got some savings. Maybe he was put into my life for us to teach each other about money! Who knows? And who am I to judge?

Anyway, when the date was over, he walked me to my car. We hugged goodbye and he kissed me. Here is where he redeemed himself almost completely (I haven't forgotten about that debt). He was a perfect gentleman. Even asked me to call him (call him!!) when I got home so he would know I got there safely. Wow, the last guy I dated for three months never did that. Points for this guy!

So, I clarify, "CALL you?" Mostly because I'm impressed. Guys don't call girls anymore.

"Or text, whatever."

So I spent the whole drive home wondering which one I should do. I'm not the biggest fan of talking on the phone unless it's to my mom or significant other. So I decided to call. Maybe it would set a precedent if this went farther.

Big mistake. It was one of the most awkward phone calls of my life. I called, and he didn't answer. He called me back a couple of minutes later.

"Hey, you said to call when I got home, so I'm calling!"

"I said text."

"....."

"I'll text you."

We hang up and he texted. Okay, weird, but okay. Then he ruins the entire date with one text.

"Wish we could cuddled"

Word for word.

UGHHHH!! Why?? I was willing to overlook all that other stuff. Until now. Now, it's over before it even started.

I (barely) entertain him for a few more days, but pretty much disappear after the third picture he sends of his hot tub. (Wanting me to come get in it.) No thanks.

Eventually he took the hint and went away. Until about a week later when he messaged me on Match (despite having my number), "I wanted to fuck u."

...yeah, I GOT it!

But thanks for solidifying that decision, buddy!

And, guys, stop talking about money on a first date! Save it for the engagement. Seriously.


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