Thursday, September 1, 2016

How To Lose A Girl In One Date

If you ever happen to find yourself wondering, "How do I get this chick to never want a second date with me?" Just tell me Game of Thrones "isn't that great." 

But before I tell this story, let me back up a little bit. I got back on Tinder, and, as expected, it has been quite entertaining. Everyone from Ryan Lochte (yes, I found him) to the 30 year old virgin (literally) has almost completely taken my mind off the fact that I lost both of my bunnies within a month of each other. Thank you, Tinder gods. 

But tonight, I went on a date with a guy who will, from now on, be known as the Nerdy Bob Saget for reasons I'll get into later. 

I should have known to cancel when he told me he still uses a flip phone but has an iPad because he's "not a complete asshole." But I'm trying this thing where I try to be open-minded. Something I later learned that he could stand to try himself on occasion. Not only does he use a flip phone, but he is also a full-time trivia announcer. Yes, you read that right. Five nights a week. Full-time. Trivia announcer. 

Honestly, I thought the line about not being a complete asshole was funny, and I think his job is kind of cool. Anyone who can make a living in the "entertainment" business has my full and complete attention. I lived in Nashville. I know how hard it can be. And for someone to be doing it full-time in Charlotte, well, you must be damn good at it, right?! So I went through with the date. 

I met him tonight after his "show," and I immediately knew it wasn't going to work. He looked like a much younger, much nerdier Bob Saget. Same wavy, brown hair, small mouth, pointy nose. Tall. They look very similar. 

However, the guy could carry a conversation, which was much less painful than the date I went on last night where we basically tried not to look at each other for two hours. But all this rambling is what eventually dug Bob into a hole he could not dig himself out of.

He talked about how most movies are basically trash (and how people even point out how he hates most movies, which he vehemently denies to their faces – he just has "something to say about them all"), how he hated the Mcadenville Lights at Christmas Time (I'm a sucker for some Christmas lights, sooo... Red flag) and how Game of Thrones was okay, but the last TV show he actually got into was Breaking Bad. Ehhh. I guess? If you can make it past the first season?? I wasn't able to sit through it, so I wouldn't know. But I'm also not running around criticizing everything else currently on TV, so who's the asshole, really? Oh, he also hates reality TV. So I left out the part where I just started watching Real Housewives of New York from the beginning... I also didn't feel it the right time to mention my Bachelorette viewing parties or the Fantasy League...

I don't know what kind of crack this guy was on, but he clearly missed the entire war between Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton because that is legit one of the best fight scenes I have ever seen filmed. Literally. Better than any movie or TV show I've ever seen. (How the hell can you think GoT is just okay?? I can't even with this guy.)

I'm pretty sure the only thing I got out of this date is that he really likes the Panthers. His dad even took him to the SUPER BOWL last year, and he spent about five minutes telling me all the reasons he didn't want to go. The only one I can remember, because I was too busy contemplating how rude it would be to just stand up and walk out, being that he knew it would jinx them. If his dad spent all that money for them to go, the Panthers wouldn't win. Yeah, it was his fault the Panthers lost the Super Bowl... His brother actually had to talk him into going! ("Do it for dad, because it's literally the only thing he ever wants to do!" Or something like that.) What I would have given to be able to go to that Super Bowl (or any Super Bowl, really)...

So, needless to say, despite him trying to lock something in for Saturday night, I probably won't be getting back from the beach in time to make it to dinner. 

Sorry, Bob, but you spent the whole date trash-talking most things I enjoy. I'm sure you're a super nice dude (I think), but you're just not the one for me. 

Stay open-minded, folks. 

P.S. If you're a guy, learn how to drive stick. It's really hard to take you seriously when you don't know how. 

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